First one:

I was traveling with my best friend in my car and stopped at a house where we were supposed to meet up with the guys, stay over and head out in the morning. Well, I went to the bedroom I was going to be sleeping in, and there were three beds, but instead of sleeping in one of them, I pulled together two big office chairs and slept on those. Three of the guys – Nash, Dan and Ryss – poked their head in the door and said they were making breakfast. So I got up, and got dressed ( dark red bra,  tank and blouse, which i found odd) and walked to the kitchen smelling bacon.

Now it doesnt sound all that special, but when a dream sticks with me most of the day, vividly, I know I need to figure out what it meant. So here is what I got.

The beds represent my current dating life/relationships – Nash, A.J. and my single life.
Instead of choosing one, I stayed avoided the situation and slept on the chairs. So needless to say, I’m avoiding my a situation, and I need to eventually decide on one, or I’m going to be sleeping on chairs for the rest of my life – symbolically speaking that is.

My dream I had two nights ago however, I haven’t figured out yet.

I was coming back from a NASCAR race (or so I told someone later in the dream) and I was stuck on a train. I had to keep asking someone where I was supposed to go, before crawling into a part glass part plastic tube where I was told I had to sit for three hours before I got “home”. I was upset that I didn’t have a book or my phone to keep me occupied while I waited. So I leaned back and watched the scenery. Then I compaired it to a gilmore girls episode (that actually doesn’t exist) and how there was this beautiful place that Rory went after she got off the train. Well suddenly I was there…

I was walking down a beautiful wooden, floating bridge over a clear small lake, with a friend of mine named Spencer – we have flirted on and off before, but nothing serious, just friendly like. He’s really nice, and handsome – 6f blonde curly hair, blue eyes – but there really isnt any there. besides, I’ve known him since fourth grade, its odd.

Anyways, he smiled at me then pushed me into the lake before jumping into the lake himself. Ryss suddenly was off to the side in the water, just watching us -which didnt creep me out then, but now that I think of it, it does. but spencer and I just played in the water, friendly flirting and what not.

then I jumped to being in my house. Maddison and I just changed from swimming – yeah somehow she was there – and spencer knocked. He said he wanted to talk, and that the guys are telling him that what I did to him wasn’t fair. I was shocked, and told him one second, I just had to put my wet clothes into the dryer. As I walk past my living room, I glare at all the guys, and Nash and Ryss just glared back. I walk into the kitchen and my Dad pulls me aside and says we need to talk, that he over heard the guys talking. Irritated I tell him to wait, I had to put the clothes in the dryer and then talk to Spencer first. I was walking into the laundry room when I woke up.

Do you have any ideas what that one means? Or have a dream you would like to share. Normally I’m great at interpreting, but with my own its a little harder – too close to the subject i guess.

But i know one thing my dreams are pratically screaming.

F my love life

- A.O.

Generally I just smile, say hi, and go on my way.

But have you ever been set up by a friend, only to find out you dated that guy back in highschool?

I have, Tonight. Talk about awkward.

I was just talking to a friend of mine – ironically an ex of one of the guys – and she just randomly asks me if I like ripped guys. So I say, its not a requirement, but its a nice plus. So she brings up the guys name and I burst out laughing. She starts listing how he’s a history major (and I love history) and how hes a sweetie and what not, then sends a picutre. Well Mr. Fit in grade 11 is now Mr. 6 pac abs.

But he’s still him.

(Im just glad it wasn’t a blind date, that would hit the Richter scale of bad!)

S I explained to her what happened.

Back in grade 11, (so I just turned 17) He took me out to the local lake in the early spring, and we walked around talking. He taught me how to drive his pick-up, then bought me dinner. Then we went to his house, watched a movie and eventually kissed… but we were both nervous, our mouths were dry and that didnt go so well – not that I think he noticed. but still, it was like kissing a desert. (so awkward but not his fault)

But then later that week I heard he had a gf, and I wasnt smart enough to talk to him about it. Meanwhile he was told that I was trying to get back at my ex by dating him. (as if i want to get back with a boy who wouldn’t let me play video games, who made me just sit there and watch! or someone who wanted to date my best friend at the time. ha!) So he mistook my standoffish-ness for that, and it just went south.

Then it went right to hell a year ago. I was drinking with Nash and he brought up Mr. 6 pac abs.
“So you dated someone rip eh?”
“How do you know?”
Apparently he met him at a party, and wished he had abs like that guy.
“He said you dated in highschool…”
“Was his name Jon or Jay?” I asked. In highschool I had dated a lot of J named guys. (well, not a lot, just 4 or 5)
Nash thought hard for a minute and ended up showing me a picture of this guy on facebook. Of course, it was Mr. 6 pac.

A few weeks later, Mr. 6 pac came up on my “People you might now” list on facebook so I said, eh,why not?

Well, even after 4 years, he was pretty sore about it, not to mention Nash told him I said he was a bad kisser… so he ripped me a new one, blocked me and I felt guilty for a few weeks and whenever his name gets brought up. (I am the queen of guilt. I hate making any one feel horrible!)

Anyways, I told my friend not to mention me or he might get upset, but apparently it was too late.

Now we wait to see what he says. (though I’m sure it wont be good lol)

Its not that big of a deal, but it just seems that his name is brought up every couple of months since last year. Its weeeeird. Strange how life is like that, isn’t  it?

My friend is one of the nicest guys out there. The kind that girls dream to have, and others like to take advantage of and then leave them broken on their doorstep. This would be Ryss, and his “problem” with… well lets just call her Blue (random colour) is bugging me.

Blue all through highschool dated most of my guy friends. One time she was dating Dan in grade nine and was seeing another friend of mine named Joe. She made him keep it a secret. This became a habit with Cam and Kyle, Cam and Fred, and Eric and Ryss.

But Ryss says he’s different, and he is, from most guys. but how do I know she has actually changed like he said? Blue has never had a relationship without having a guy on the side. Shes not a slut, not really, but she can rake in guys faster than free porn.

Im one for beliving people can change, but someone who jumps from guy to guy can’t know how to love, can they? they aren’t in it for the right reasons.

Now, 2 weeks into the relationship, she still wont let him tell anyone publicly because apparently she doesn’t want her parents to think shes rebounding from the bf she dumped in december,(its a small city, people will find out soon) and now they are planning to live together when uni starts in the fall.

I know I can’t change his mind, but why do guys or girls do this to themselves? Its insane! They think he/she has changed and life will become a fairytale.

Comments are welcome and needed at this point. Whats your oppinion?

Lists of articles poured through, going from “The Art of Flirting” to “What Signals are You Sending?”
Now I am always up for learning. Specially in the name of dating because I am hopeless, but I felt a little sting of disappointment because I knew I am a failure.

“Some people are born to flirt, others have natural flirting skills that seem to come and go depending on the circumstance, and some of us just have no clue and need to be taught” read one of the articles. Gee I know what category I fall into. Head first, with a long hopeless drop.

You see, female flirting consists of  ”The Gaze” and touching his arm lightly. Well in grade eight I tried “The Gaze” and the guy pulled me to the side and gave me the “I don’t like you so stop looking at me like that” speech. Embarrassing. The touching, on the other hand, I have an actual problem with that. I don’t like entering people’s personal bubbles first.  So if he hasn’t stepped into my bubble and touched me on the arm or back, I will forever stay in my bubble and not come out. It feels like trespassing and he might have a gun and shoot me down before I even lay a hand on him. If I do try to enter it, it usually comes out like a light guy-like punch to the shoulder, or a push when he makes a joke. Very friendly. but not flirty. See my problem?

Thats why reaching out and  holding Nash’s hand was a big step for me.

Girls also do that hair twirling thing, which I haven’t mastered at all, or understood why it works. Heck I just understood the “Less make up is more attractive” rule. So I fail at dating from step one. I’ll come off too strong or none at all and fall into friend territory.

Plus, I am like a male when it comes to hints. Girls everywhere – or at least in the general area of me – will pick and consider hints that a male has sent her.

Was his torso pointing toward you?
Was his hand constantly brushing through his hair?
Was that look he sent you longer than four seconds?

Simple, everyday things could be a redlight flashing saying he likes you, and most females pick up on that and send their own signals back. Twirl their hair, rub their foot against his leg, send him that four second look before looking away.

Then there is me, little Alexis, looking like she is having either a blonde moment or a staring problem, or is being a creeper which they should run away from.

I was playing pool last night with the guys and my friend Mary. I havent seen her in months, and it was our time to catch up on events. Nash was killing me at our game, and I made a joke or two about it. Then, he sunk another ball and I gave him a push jokingly.  I was just talking to him, acting like I would with any other guy, just maybe with more of a smile, and Mary pulls me aside and says “look at you, little miss flirt.”

I was shocked. What was she talking about? What was I doing? I felt like I should be writing it down to remember for later. Then it hit me. Let it be natural. If you weren’t made to flirt with a guy, it wasn’t ment to happen. When it’s natural, the guy won’t run away to the hills warning his other friends to stay away from the weirdo.

Now I might still try a flirting technique from a friend, or a magazine when really I shouldn’t, I know I’ll forget and try too hard to get a guy I really like, I’m not perfect, but nothing is learned without an experience right? At least I know I’m better at it when I don’t think about it. Maybe…

So that was my lesson of the week. Maybe Reading Week really does teach you a thing or two…

Question for you!!

What do you do when you flirt? Do you have troubles with flirting or do you flirt too much? Post a comment and share! It will make me feel less alone on the matter : )

Thanks and Goodluck on the romance field ;)

- Alexis O’Conner

Then, for a reason I no longer remember, Nash, Mackenzie, Reid and I started skipping down to the parkinglot. I remember it starting off like the Monkey walk, and then it just went straight into skipping. But I was a whole lot warmer for it by the time we got to Reid’s car.

Nash first climbed into the middle (wanting to be seated beside two girls) and I sat to his right. I was just buckling my seatbelt when something soft and cool was drapped across my bare shoulders.

I followed the light blue fabric up to Nash’s hand then up to his face.

“Here, It’ll keep you warm.”

“Thank you,” I smiled, knowing that he didn’t know it was actually my scarf. But the fabric was wide enough to act like a shall, so I pulled it over my other shoulder and leaned into him as left downtown.

This was nice I thought. So he didn’t like me, that’s okay. I’ll take what I can get.

The music was upbeat and booming a few minutes later as we walked into the house. People were already piling into the living room, so I grabbed another drink from the garage and sat down in front of Dan and leaned up against the small golden chair. Maddie was sitting on the arm and was playing with his hair – a small weakness for Dan – while Dan tried taking pictures with my camera.

Mac and Reid was already on the couch with the others, as Fareed leaned against the t.v.
We were talking about the summer when I felt Dan lean forward, his eyes spaced out from too much alcohol, and whispered in my ear:

“Hey, Nash Likes you eh?”

“What?” I said quietly, staring forward like a deer in headlights. There was no way, how….? “Really?”

“Yeah. Go sit with him.”

I made some excuse and sat down on the stool next to Nash’s. Eventually his arm was around the back of my chair and I was leaning into him. He was warm and smelled good – A.J. never smelled good, or bad. He just never had a scent, and that kind of bugged me. But Nash smelled good and thats all that counted at the moment. After that, A.J fell from my thoughts once again, and I let any feeling of guilt get washed away by the feeling of being happy and being liked for a night.

Dan kept taking pictures for the next hour. Shouting out “Alex! Give me your sexy face!”
of course I didn’t have one, so I tried the my space lip curl thing. It failed.

Before I knew it, both Dan and Nash had disappeared, and short Maddie too. Then everyone else wanted fast food and were going to make a run, so I was alone in the living room. I needed to find someone.

I walked deeper into the house down the dark hallway, knocking on doors as I went. I came to the bathroom, Maddie opened the door just a little.

“Are you okay?” I asked. I heard ben mumble as he brushed his hand through his hair.

“He’ll be okay eventually.”

“Are you sure?’

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well everyone is going out to get food, so the house is empty, just so you know.”

“Ah, good to know. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

I walked back through the house and still didn’t find Nash, so I went downstairs to check there. Sure enough, he was leaning on the bathroom counter, staring down into the sink.

“Hey, are you okay?” I said softly. He didn’t answer but simply shook his head.

I filled the glass he had with water from the tap – not thinking about his germaphobia – and slide it toward him.

“Just drink some water, it’ll help.”

I closed the door when he shifted toward the toilet and stared at it. I felt as if I shouldn’t look, but I didn’t want to leave.

“Feeling better?” I asked, after a few minutes.

“Eh..” He shrugged. “I’m surprised you’re still here.”

“Yeah, well…” I moved closer to him when he shifted back to the sink. He was starting to sway. I wanted him to feel better. Out of habit I moved my hand up and down his back hoping to sooth (yes that sounds girly) and make him, well, feel better. Again he raised his arm over my shoulders and leaned into me, his eyes closing. I just kept moving my hand up and down, waiting.

When he started to move, I asked him again “You okay?”

This time he nodded. He grabbed my hand and walked up stairs and past the crowd of people to where he put his sleeping bag earlier. I however was stopped by everyone.

“Is he going to be ok?” Fareed asked.

“Yeah, he just needs to sleep it off.”

I was then handed two slices of pizza, since Reid ordered too much. Thinking Mac must be hungry, I went back to the bathroom to give her the other slice. but she wasnt there. I started opening doors (saw Nash curled up on the floor) and then I found a door locked.

“One Second!” Maddie called out. She opened the door just wide enough to squeeze through, and closed it again.

“How is he doing?” I asked, handing her the other peice.

She explained that he was pretty sick, and she was taking care of him. Apparently he had mixed something else with the alcohol and it wasn’t deadly, but it wasn’t good either. She walked with me to the kitchen, nibbling on her pizza as I called mom and told her we would be late. Then I told her what Dan told me.

“I knew thats what he said,” she said excidedly. “I could tell by your expression. There was nothing else he could have told you to make you look like that.”

“Gee, thanks,” I laughed. Knowing where everything was, I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and poured some filtered water into a glass and chugged it down. We both needed to be sober to make sure those two were going to be okay. After a few more glasses of water, I took Nash’s glass, filled it up and walked back to the room, wishing Maddie luck with Dan.

“Hey,” I whispered as I sat down next to Nash. His eyes flickered open for a second as I placed my hand on top of his (which was a big move for me… I’ll explain later) “I have some water for you.”

He didn’t respond, but squeezed my hand instead.

“Okay, well the water will be right here, okay?” I said, placing the water far enough away so he wouldn’t spill it, and up against the wall. He was out like a light.

I sat there for a long time, with my hand in his. I listened to Larry comment on how he should get sick next time because maybe then the girls will pay attention to him. It made me a little mad. It wasn’t just because he was sick, I realized, but because I was definately falling for him again and I just wanted to make sure he was okay.

Thoughts ran through my head, memories of what Nash and I had talked about while we would study. The one we talked about how he wanted a beach-babe kind of girl (yes, he showed me a pic) and that was one reason why he worked out so much. I looked down at my stumach, which was starting to bloat again, and sighed.

I used to be a size zero in highschool, but after working at a call center and eating mcdonalds every day for a few months, and not being on a sport team anymore, I gained thirty pounds and was officially a size 13. People had started to spread rumors that I was pregnant, but really it was just fat. It had to change. I had to change.

“One day I’ll be what you want,” I whispered. “One day I’ll be that babe.”

Our original Idea was to stop at the local club, but for some reason it was closed. Who closes down on one of the biggest nights to party? Apparently they do. So, we walked further down to the little irish pub where live music was being played.

“I.D. Please,” the bouncer said with a hint of boredom.

We all pulled out our drivers license and one by one we were let inside.

The actual bar itself stretched across most of the left hand side, as booths, tall tables and chairs were scattered in the skinny room. We walked to the back where two small tables were pushed together. Most of guys stood, letting the girls take the chairs. Well, except Evan, who made me squish two chairs together so I sat in between Maddie and him. Not that I minded.

Once we all settled, I decided on getting a drink. I pushed through the piles of people, and stood in line behind a shorter twenty-something male. He was about an inch or two shorter than me, with short brown hair. He immediately reminded me of Jane’s Cousin Mr. Collins from Pride and Prejudice. He seemed nice, but a little creepy.

He turned to look at his friends, and I sent him a smile. It was more of a Hi smile, but I guess because I was feeling too happy and confident that it came off as more.

“I’m Ian,” he said, reaching out to shake my hand.

“Alexis.”

“So,” He yelled over the music. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

Did he really just use that line? Sadly he did. I looked to my group of friends, debating on saying “over there” but something inside me said “nah, just tell the truth”.

“I don’t have one.”

“Really?” That creepy grin of his grew larger. “So how are you celebrating?”

“Just with my friends,” I motioned toward them. “then going back to a party.”

“Ah, okay. ” He looked back to see if he was any closer to getting his beer. Luckily the bartender was waiting for him. “Well if you get bored or whatever, I’ll be over there. I’m here to support my friend. It’s his band playing.”

“Cool, Thanks.” I smiled. I might not be going over there to see him, but it was nice to be hit on. It’s been too long since thats happened.

Ian slid past me and eyed me one last time before walking back to his friends. I ordered the Guinness that I decided on while talking to him, and half danced to my table.

“I just got hit on,” I beamed to Alexis as I climbed up onto the chairs.

“Really?” Mackenzie turned toward me, and leaned in.

“Yeah!”

“What happened?”  Larry asked. He was one of the DD’s, a creeper of a guy with a strange sense of humor, but he was Fareeds friend, so I couldn’t argue why he was here.

“A guy just gave Alexis his number,” Maddie gloated. Okay, so it was an exaggeration, but the guys expression was priceless.

“What? Who?”

I quickly explained, and tried to point out the guy but I couldn’t see him. It didn’t matter, my 5 minutes of reconition was over anyways. Still, my confidence was reaching its peek, and I felt great. Thank you Mr.Collins look-a-like, for making me feel good.

The night continued with conversations that were trying to be louder than the music, and the odd comment making fun of Fareed. It’s not like we don’t like him, he’s a great guy and we love him to death, it’s just he is way to easy to poke fun at. Besides, they used to make fun of me all the time in public school. It’s his turn now.

For the next hour we talked and poked fun at Fareed and Nash too. Mainly Nash because he’s a homophobe and a germaphobe (or spermaphobe as the technical term) and Mac had the great idea of making both feel as uncomfortable as possible.

Mac and Maddie searched the pub for guys that they could convince to hit on the two of them but to their dismay, there wasn’t a single one that looked like they could do it. So, they turned to our own group and asked Dan to do it.

Why not? He was drunk enough anyways.

I was just coming from the bathroom when Mac and Maddie pulled me to the side with Dan.

“Whats going on?” I whispered to Maddie, but either she couldnt hear me or simply ignored me.

“Okay,” Dan nodded. “For a price. 10 dollars.”

“How about a kiss instead,” Maddison suggested. I had to hold back my smile. She’s a sly one, that Maddie.

“Deal.”  He reached out and shook our hands, and made his way over to Fareed.

All I could do was watch, trying so hard not to laugh.

Slowly Dan’s arm wrapped around Fareed, and leaned into him. Then, with the moves of a man-whore (who has class) he whispered something into his ear.

Suddenly Fareeds hand reached out and grabbed Dan’s shirt. His other hand swung back into a tight fist, ready to hit Dan if he tried again. Maddie and Mac burst out laughing.

“Fareed! Fareed! Forget it,” Mac said, trying to pull him away from Dan. “It was just a joke. Let it go man.”

“So…” Dan, said turning to Maddie and me. “Pay up.”

I looked to her, knowing she wanted to kiss him, then back at him. Then it hit me, I was going to be kissing my best bud. Drunken logic overruled, however, and reminded me he was a bit of a man-whore, and it didn’t really matter anyways.

“Rock, paper scissors?” I suggested.

“Hey. I’m not that ugly am I?” Dan pouted.

“No! no. Sorry it’s just how we normally decide and…fine, I’ll go first,” I said. Might as well, it saves the best for last.

He didn’t pull me in, or do any tricks, but just as smoothly he lifted my chin up and leaned in for a kiss. Then he did the same to Maddie.

“Okay!” Mac said, jumping beside us, with an evil grin. “Now do the same to Nash.”

He shrugged his shoulders and walked back over to the group, this time doing the same to his best friend. However Nash’s expression was a lot more hilarious.

“WHAT THE! YOUR NOT A GAY!” Nash yelled as he quickly pushed Dan away form him. He looked both petrified and confused. Dan was just smiling.

Behind my laughter, I felt almost bad for him.

“Nash! it was just a joke.” I said, holding him back. Nash looked at me, still confused. “We promised him a kiss if he hit on you.”

Dan was right there and leaned in for his kiss again. I felt a little guilty for kissing him infront of Dan, but the kiss didn’t last long enough to think too hard about it.

Well at least I got a new years kiss this year… sort of.

Nash’s arm slowly drapped across my waist, as he took a drink of his beer.

“It’s a good deal then,” he said. “At least your getting some action.”

“Yeah, I guess your right.”

“Can I have a kiss?’ Evan asked, standing there awkwardly towering over everyone in the middle of the group.

“Nope. Only reason I kissed ben was because he did something for us. Sorry.”

Nash’s grip only grew tighter as Evan pouted a little.

“Hey, I need another drink. Want something?” I asked, noticing my Guinness was long gone and empty.

“Yeah sure,” Nash agreed.

Out of habit when there is a large group of people, I held out my hand as I started walking. And he took it. We waited by the bar as the Bartender moved down the line taking orders.

“Can you order my beer for me? I just have to go the bathroom,” Nash said handing me his five.

“Sure, no problem.”

As I waited, I tapped my foot to the music of the band. They were playing a recent hit I have heard on the radio so many times, and yet never caught the name of it. Then, as my thoughts usually do, I jumped from thinking about the song, to about the band, then do the guy who was hitting on me earlier. I wonder what he thought now, if he saw me, kissing one boy and holding hands with another, but oh no, I don’t have a boyfriend.

He probably thinks I’m a whore.

Meh, who cares. I know I’m not one – really it’s hard being a whore when you don’t have sex and can’t flirt – besides I’m ordering Nash’s beer and held his hand. It’s a step up for me.

Just as I ordered his Coors and my Vodka Cooler, Nash showed up and slipped his hand back into mine. We walked back to the group with a smile on our faces.

Boxes of New Year hats and noisemakers was passed around the pub, while waitresses handed out shot glasses with Champagne. I grabbed a noisemaker, and was tootin’ it in Nash’s direction, when he reached out and grabbed me a golden hat.

“Here,” he said, trying to get the strap under my chin.

“Oh, Thank you,” I blushed. I had to help him out with the strap, but I wore it proudly with everyone else.

10 seconds till midnight! someone started shouting

9!

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

one!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! everyone screamed.

I tooted my little horn and turned to Nash. Our faces collided and gave a great big kiss. MEWAH! nothing romantic or soft or lingering. Just a drunkin kiss after the countdown.

I wouldn’t change it for the world.

With a hop and skip around the thicker piles of snow, Madison and I debated if anyone else was at Fareeds.

I met Fareed in grade seven when he switched to my public school. He immediately joined the guys group and ever since I’ve always kept in contact with him. We might not be playing football during recess or after school anymore, but we get to play cards every now and again, and for me, that was just as fun.

Madison knocked on the door, and looked inside the glass window by the door.  Fareed suggested to be there somewhere between nine and nine thirty, and we were on time for once; it being 9:15 and all. After a minute, Fareed was letting us in, allowing the dance music poor outside.

“HEY!” He called out with a big, ready-for-anything smile.

“Happy New year!” I said with a smile as we climbed inside. From the looks of everything, Madison and I were the first ones here. Figures.

After a disorganized event of taking off our coats and shoes, finding a place to put our alcohol and scrambling up the stairs, we were introduced to Cal, an old football friend of his. Cal’, a man of very few words, grunted a hi, and went back to his computer. I handed Madison a mudslide and leaned against the kitchen counter listening to Fareed talk about how many Tarabites of movies he now had on his computer.

To save us from a very dry conversation, someone knocked.

“Got it!” I called as I ran down the stairs.

“Happy New Year,” Reid and his girlfriend Mac said as soon as I opened the door. Reid was technically his last name, but that was more fun to say then Tony. Mac-short for Mackenzie-was as tall as tony with soft black curling hair. The kind I tried to copy for the night. Tony, on the other hand was a pudgy half irish, half italian 20 year old who i’ve known since kindergarden. He had the power of sarcasm and high intelligence, but could easily laugh and go along with something as immature as a ten year old. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

“Back at you,” I said, excited that people were showing up, and walked back into the kitchen. We were just talking about Reid going to B.C next semester when the doorbell rang. Again I headed downstairs this time to let in Kate, Kim, and her boyfriend. I wasn’t real close with them, but I knew Kate from soccer and Kim from high school. The boyfriend was a mystery however. I grabbed another drink form the garage where our alcohol was now hiding. I waited patiently for the couple to hang their coats off the railing and followed them upstairs.

With two drinks in hand, I handed Madison one and headed to the living room. The kitchen was too small to hold all of us anyways. As soon as I saw the long golden couch was empty, I quickly took a spot before anyone else could. Madison followed and sat beside me. I wasn’t siting on the floor again like I did a few nights ago.

The living room wasn’t very big, but it held an Indian style couch and chair, an old t.v. that was in the corner by the railing, and a rather large fishtank. Fareed already took the librity of bringing in a couple stools and chairs for future guests. Music poured from Fareed’s laptop, running through a playlist he already set up on iTunes.

“Oh, I see a car!” Madison called out, peering out the window above the door.

“Really?” Reid asked as he leaned back on his stool. We all peered out, trying to see who was here. Soon enough, Evan walked in, a very tall friend of mine who never left without a sketchpad or his DS. This time it was the DS.

“Hey,” He mumbled, peeling off his wet shoes. We all said our hellos, a little surprised he wanted to come out tonight. Evan wasn’t much of a partier and rarely drank, but he was here, even before the others. Evan was just making it up the stairs when the door re-opened.

“Who is it?” I whispered to Madison. Evan, the T.V. and the railing was blocking  my veiw.

“Nash.”

I stretched a little just to see.

“And where there is Nash…” we said in unison. The door swung open again and Dan–the 6’2″ shaggy blonde guy who was  best friends with Nash–shifted inside. They were almost a male equivalents of Madison and myself. Almost. I looked at Madison who was eying him and smiled.

Meanwhile, everyone was garthering inside the enterance way, laughing and wishing each other a Happy New year. Then the door opened once again.

“A third?” I tilted my head.

“Who..? Oh it’s Kipp,” she said with the same expresion.

“Didn’t see that one comming.”

I watched as he tried to close the door. Kipp told everyone he was going to London today, plus showing up with Dan and Nash just seemed, I dont know, abnormal; even though he’s been friends with Dan longer than Nash.

The crowd made its way upstairs, when Dan immediately handed his keys over to Reid.

Smart, I thought, since he is drinking after all. Apparently a few nights ago when we were all drinking, Dan took off and drove himself home without anyone knowing. No one wanted to repeat that experience tonight.

“Why are you handing it to me? Reid laughed and then gave them to Fareed.  “Hide them for me, will you?”

“Okay,” Fareed agreed and left to go find a place to put them.

After a few others showed up, we all stammered downstairs, crowding into the empty room in the basement before sitting in a circle. For us it’s just a habit to start playing cards as soon as everyone arrives. As Fareed started setting up his laptop downstairs so we had easy access to the music, Mac joked about making him play 52 pick up. Instead, Reid took liberty of shuffling the two decks together and be the deal for Kings this round.

Now, before we sat down, I wanted to try something. A few nights ago when we were here, Nash sat next to  me–which doesn’t normally happen. I wasn’t sure whether or not he sat there because it was the only spot open, and thanks to Madison singing “I think he likes you” earlier today, my mind was focusing on girly like things, and by that I mean boys. So I wanted to see if it was just chance he sat next to me, or if he meant to do it.

As the crowd began to herd to their designated spot, I sat down where I did last time. Madison took a seat to my left and I waited. Reid and Mac sat down farther down to my left, then Dan across from me. Then with a smile on his face, Nash sat down on my right.

“Hey,” he said with a head nod as he measured out his drink.

“Howdy,” I said, acting like normally as I picked up my cards to put them in order.

As the night went on, Nash and I kept laughing at random things. Each time it was his turn, or the thumbs card was in action, I would have to nudge him to realize what was going on. Then, he would lean on me and give me that drunken smile of his. I was a goner.

Okay, I have to stop liking him, I thought to myself. He’s a friend, he doesn’t like me like, he’s just drunk. Thats all

When it was time, we all piled into the DD’s Cars and drove the seven minutes to our town’s downtown. I stuck close to Madison and drove along with Mac, Reid and Evan. We parked along the few other cars belonging to those who decided downtown was the place to go on new years, and piled out. Madison convinced us all to leave our coats in the car so we don’t loose them later. Equipped with my camera, drivers licence and money, I strolled up the hill with the girls, excited for the night.

“Hey it’s 11:11″ someone called out, “Make a wish.”

Feeling foolish I closed my eyes and wished for a good, New Years kiss.

So what makes me worthy subject? Normally I would say nothing. Heck my life is usually drama free. Has been for two years now.

But lately…. well…. here, let me explain.

You know those stories about a girl who falls for friend, friend doesnt see her that way, girl tries a little harder and suddenly he realizes he loves her and then they live happily ever after. At least until the book or movie is over.

Well I used to be a sucker for those books and movies. But in my situation, who can fall for any of my six guy friends when I knew them pre-boy-liking age. Those six guys were like brothers to me. Liking them past that is a really creepy thought, and still makes me want to gag.

Then Nash came along. Nash, the once chubby, curly black hair guy who said odd sayings and played the violin at the school’s talent show. He sat infront of me in Science class and for the longest time I called him by the wrong name. He was best friends with one of my best friends, Dan, and he started comming to our house parties.

I dont exactly know why at first, but I started flirting–or at least tried to flirt. (I am the worst flirt in the world!) But then Dan pulled me aside and gave me the dreaded “he doesn’t like you like that” speach.

So, I did my best to stop liking him. Took a few years but I did it. Four years later, I am right back to where I started.

Except in 2010, I have offically understood who I am as a person,chubby Nash magically transformed into muscle Nash, and he grew taller, most of us are in university and OH YEAH, Nash apparently likes me….

Confused as I am? Welcome to my world.

So, the old Alex who was finally over Nash, the Alex who was used to going over to his dorm to study with him alone for a social science class the U made us take, the Alex who had just started seeing someone else (a very polite Tennis player) and the Alex who really didn’t care who Nash was seeing, all colapsed and became the girl she was in grade 12.

All because Dan decided to drop the bomb on New Years.

“Nash likes you.”

TADA!

One night. One god damn night and I find out I hadn’t gotten over him, that I’ve missed more signs from Nash from the past hang outs, and that I am absolutely pathetic, confused and feeling much more like a girl than I have in years.

Please. Someone shoot me?

How do people in movies make these kind of events romantic? Most of this happens while drinking–go figure–and the other half I’m too caught up with everyone and feel at ease around him I don’t think about it much. But now I am. I am thinking about it way too much and it is driving me insane. How do other girls put up with this? I wish when you liked someone you could walk up and say hi, I like you, do you like me? Yes or no? But even in kindergarden I was given coded messages and you had to figure it out.

Just like today….huh. Go figure.

Now memories are popping in my head every second I get. Camping last summer? Dan tried to get us to kiss, I panicked and ran to the dock–I just thought it was because they were drunk. Last two get togethers–once he’s drunk–his arm finds its way around my waist. At the kegger, I mentioned dating A.J.–the tennis player–and he backed off. Told him that since I’m not offically with A.J. I am still single the next hang out after, and his arm was around my waist by the end of the night. Clearly alchohol is the drink of bravery here, and is playing a very important part in my life,  more than I wish to admit.

Obviously (because she is awesome) my best friend Madison started seeing things but she wasn’t 100 percent sure what was up. Now we know. Well, sort of.

Worst thing is I have to act like it never happened because Nash was drunk, (again) as was Dan, and they probably don’t remember telling me anything.

Life just got interesting for me.

Here’s to 2010! A year when I hope everything starts making sense again.